Stand still

The brink of jealousy
Drove her to murder
The precipice of starvation
Made her eat flesh
The apex of remorse
Gave her self hatred
And the mountain of self hatred
Brought her to a stand still

She looked at a face
Barely recognisable
Knowing well
That she hadnt seen that face
Ever so close
But only in memories
In pictures that hung
Around her neck
A knot that got tighter
With every step she took behind

Her only way
To deal with her monsters
Is to talking herself out
Of believing they were even there at all
And so she shut
Every dark and gore
In a box of subconscious
Wrapped it in the happier times
So if ever she chose to look at the box
That she stacked at the deepest corner of her mind
She would see only
The good
The things that were insignificant
The things that did not really make her what she is

She thought
To block everything out
Was the solution
And she was right
For atleast a long long time

Till today
That now she stands
At the fork of a road
For a familiar face was all it took
To challenge everything she convinced herself of

Alright if it was
Just something she wanted to
Forget
Not alright
If those were the demons
She thought she had chased away

It was a familiar
Helpless
And clueless face
Just as much as hers
She stood at the same fork
But probably under better clouds
Breathing in calmer air
Not anticipating a storm

But she was reminded
Of the conquest that she was
Of the clammy skin left behind
After years of self depricament

She was left to question adequacy
Of her own self
Something that took her years to overcome

Oh how much can a dead flower hurt
As it reminds how much beauty its lost in its way to doom

Here she stands
Yet again
Knowing well
That she is enough, alone
Yet unsure
If she will ever be enough for anyone at all

It took her a while
But the road back home
Was just a journey
Back to the years she had forgotten
The dust and doom
Snakes and stones
Whatever it was
The thorns kept coming
There was no roses
There never was any

The last verse
Must make an impact
So they say
But I beg to differ
For I
Have felt things make an impact
Without them being the last
Without it being my end
I wish it was the end
But the end never comes.